Old Habits
by Mortichai
Summary: Ed is having issues with drug abuse and self-mutilation after his brother's death. Roy wants to talk to the boy, but will he listen? Parental!RoyxEd.
1. Chapter 1

He was jittering violently. His eyes shifted rapidly among the objects in the room. He was constantly folding and unfolding his hands. His legs bounced and he was panting.

People stopped to stare at the young man, but never once asked if he was okay. They merely glanced, spoke a word of concern or distaste, and moved on. He glared at the few who made rude remarks, and those who didn't.

The room was cold and full of people. A man sat next to him and put a comforting hand on his knee. The man knew what was wrong, but he didn't dare speak a word. It would ruin the younger's career. No one could know of this. Ever. He wasn't one to meddle. And the boy silently thanked him for it. What he does on his own time is of no one's business. Though it could affect his health, it was the only way he could cope.

After his brother passed away, he went into a spiraling depression. It only got worse until he found it. The one thing that could keep him from hurting himself. Before this new way to handle the death, he used self-mutilation. The scars on his arms were slowly healing, but the dark circles and the attention deficit replaced them. Though, he hadn't completely kicked the habit. He scratched at a scab.

"Fullmetal, you really should lay off. It's not good for you. Have you been going to the therapy sessions with Dr. Neoni?" Mustang eyed the boy hesitantly.

"N-No. I… Can't. Can't talk. No. Too… Painful. Bad. Bad memories. I won't talk. I won't." Ed shifted his ever changing gaze to meet the Colonel's.

Mustang sighed. "Is it because you don't know her? Would you feel more comfortable talking with someone you know?"

"Maybe. Later. Not now. Too… Painful." Tears started welling in the blonde's eyes. "I… Need to use the restroom." He up and left the man.

Mustang sat and waited for Ed to return. A short time after, he felt a presence to his left. "Better?" He said spotting the white underneath his nose. Ed nodded. Mustang grimaced, but dropped the subject and decided to change it. "How's Winry?"

Ed looked up at Roy. A mixture of pain and remorse crossed his face. "I… Haven't seen her. Two years. Two years have passed. I don't know. I really don't know." He shook his head.

Roy nodded in understanding. "And," He almost skipped over the touchy subject, but decided it was important, "your arms? No additions to the collections?" Ed looked away, refusing to meet the others' eyes. "Ed, were the deep?"

Ed pulled his shirt sleeve down. "No… Only one. It didn't bleed as much. As much as last time." He shuddered at the memory of the hospital. Seeing the bag of red at his bed side. He hated needles. Despised them.

Yet there he was, a needle in his arm. Though heavily sedated, he still had the strength to pull it out. But he was too scared. He didn't want to die. He promised his brother he'd do everything in his power to stay alive.

Roy sighed. "Fullme— _Ed_, is this how you want to spend your life? Running from your past rather than facing them? You can't keep these bottled up. If you want, you can come to my house and we can talk." He suggested.

Ed paused. A very long, awkward silence followed. Roy thought he had fallen asleep, so he turned to watch the speaker at the head of the room. What sound followed was almost inaudible. "I… I'd like that. Thank you, Roy. Thank you." He looked up.

Roy turned and smiled. "You're welcome. You know, you're always welcome at my home. Whenever you want, whatever you need, I'm always there."

Ed sighed a relieved sigh. He closed his eyes and leaned into Roy's shoulder. The boy was finally still as he fell into a peaceful sleep.

**A/N: I thought of this when I saw "Crackfic". I'm think of the next chapter where they talk, or is it fine the way it is? And it seems I need to clarify where they're at, but the setting's not really important at this point. It's mainly just dialogue and actions I'm focusing on. ANYWAY, I know it sucks, but I had to get this down.**


	2. Home Again

He felt like he was swimming. But he was swimming for his life. He was stuck in a whirlpool and was getting dangerously close to the eye. He pushed his arms to go faster, but he was stuck in slow motion. Quite the opposite of his usual jittery self. He felt the arcs of the whirlpool getting smaller. He knew the end was near, and he couldn't do anything about it. He was getting nauseous from the constant turning. He didn't do well with motion sickness.

On the brink of death, he did the only thing he could do. He extended a hand up and found its likeness, but of another, gripping back firmly with a sureness he knew of only one person. He looked up, and smiling back from the sky was Al. His baby brother that he had done so much for, only for it to be in vain as his life was crushed into nonexistence. He missed that sweet smile that continued to dance on Al's lips. Time seemed to freeze, and the water ceased to churn.

Al was floating toward the sky that was now snowing. The white stuck in his hair. Oh, the irony. Al laughed and started to pull him with him.

Al spoke, "I miss you, Ed." His voice cracked as a tear glistened from his wet cheeks. "Come with me."

Ed wanted to, he really did. He wanted to live with his brother, never leave his side. But how?

"You can end your pain."

Oh, how nice that would be, end this insufferable gnawing at his heart that something was missing.

"Come with me, Ed."

Ed tried to speak, tell him, "Yes, a thousand times yes! I'd love to, please take me with you!" But he couldn't find his voice. It was blocked by a tightening of sorrow in his throat. It was like he was choking, only there was no irritation, just no voice.

"Will you come with me, Ed?" Al's face fell from his brother's lack of response. "Edward? Ed—"

"Ed, Edward, wake up Ed." Ed opened his eyes to dark ones, not the light brown ones of his dreams. "Ed, you were sobbing. I thought it best to wake you."

"Bastard…" He sniffled and wiped the tears away. His collar and sleeves were wet and his eyes were red. "It… It was Al. And you took him away from me! You bastard! I could have gone with him and you took him away! You took my brother away!" He stood and took a drunken swing at Mustang, which inevitably missed.

Ed stumbled after him, but ended up falling on his face. He began sobbing again. "You took him. I hate you, you bastard." He choked out. He clapped and placed his hands on the floor where it spun and encircled the Colonel. It wrapped tighter and tighter until he couldn't breathe.

"Ed. Stop. I can't. Breathe. Please. Let. Me. Go!" Mustang said through clenched teeth.

"You took him away… You took him away…" He kept repeating. He was so numb, he couldn't hear, he couldn't see, he couldn't feel. But he didn't care. None of it mattered if Al wasn't there. He was the only one he wanted to see. The only one who he truly ever cared for. The only one he'd ever give his life for. A light bulb went off in his head. He could give his life for Al's… And no one was there to stop him! (That wasn't tied up).

"Ed. Please. Release me." Roy was growing weaker by the second. He could feel himself being pulled into the darkness by invisible hands. His consciousness was slipping and if he didn't do something fast, he'd lose it. "Ed. Listen. To me. You. Have. To. Release me. Now." He choked out.

"Not now, Colonel Bastard. I'm busy. Now where'd I put that chalk?" He rummaged through a drawer, then his closet. Nope. He sat with his hand under his chin for a moment and thought. "Aha!" He exclaimed after several moments.

He felt underneath his bed. He hand touched a tubular shaped object. He pulled it out and blew the dust off it. "There you are, you little devil. Been a long time since I'd needed you." He threw it up and caught it again in midair. "Alright, time to get to work." He placed the tip of the chalk against the floor boards of the room and began forming the transmutation circle from memory.

As he finished the last curve, he said, "And… Done. There, a perfect human transmutation circle." He nodded proudly with a grin on his face. "I sure hope this works!" He slammed his hands down on the circle and watched it glow. He saw it turn blue. Then the familiar, eerie purple replaced it. Followed by some smoke tendrils that crept up from the circle, and wavered as if in water.

"Ed. No. Don't." Mustang pleaded weakly. He then felt the pull become too much, and he succumbed to darkness.

Ed felt a pull, too. Only this one was completely different. He knew the pull of death, of unconsciousness, but this one was different. In a flash, he was in front of The Gate in a huge white room that seemed to go on forever. He turned to see Truth grinning at him wildly.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Edward Elric. Another human transmutation, I see. Don't you think it's time to stop this before it goes too far? You've already failed at bringing your mother back, and your brother to boot. What makes you think you'll succeed this time?" Truth scoffed from where it sat.

"Because, I'm willing to give my own body and soul to bring my brother back. I'm willing to give it all." Edward said confidently.

"And what will that accomplish? You'll just switch places. You won't be together. You'll never get to see that smiling face again. Never be able to hug him. What good is bringing him back when all you do is die? What will become of him? I'm sure he'll feel the same about you. Wanting to see you every day, and that sort of thing. Don't you think he'll try and pull the same stunt you just have?" Truth drove a very forceful argument.

Ed thought for a moment. He was right. Where would it get him? The same situation, only switched. "Hm… I see your point. Well, if you're all knowing and all powerful or whatever, bring me my brother. I bet you can't."

Truth snorted. "We'll see about that." There was a pause, and then a bright flash of light.

There was a shimmer in front of Ed, then he could see it. Him. It was him. "Al? Is it really you?"

Al nodded and threw his arms around his brother. They didn't stay that way long, though. They just fazed through him. Ed held up his hand and gently pushed through Al's face. Horror spread like a disease across his face. "No…" He waved his hand back and forth but it never touched anything solid. "No!" He looked over Al's shoulder to glare at Truth. "You lied to me! This isn't Al! This is a mirage!"

Al looked hurt. "It is me, Brother. But it's just my soul. My body is back on the other side of the gate, buried in the cemetery in Resembool."

"I want your body, too." Ed whispered.

"Then you'll have to give me something for it!" Truth called. "Equivalent exchange, remember?"

"Ed, listen to me." Al said. "Ed, don't do it. You're here, with me, right now. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yeah, but this won't last forever. We have to part eventually." His eyes felt wet. He sniffled and looked to Al. "I want to stay here. With you." His eyes were pleading.

"You can't, Brother. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…" He started crying. "I'm so, so sorry." He started to fade. "Please forgive me." And he was gone.

"No! Come back! I can't lose you again!" He reached and only caught air. He looked to Truth once more. "Seeing this as my only other option, send me back. Send me back to the other side of the gate." He had a plan. A plan that was simple enough. And it would get him to Al. Forever.

"Oh? So you don't want your brother back?" Truth asked.

"If you were truly all knowing as you say you are, you would know that that statement is completely untrue." Ed retorted.

Truth grinned.

"And if you're truly all knowing, you'd know my plans for when I get back."

"That I do. Which is why I'm sending you back. No fuss, no muss. And less work for me. Bye-bye now. Have a safe trip. I'll see you soon."

And with that, Ed was back in his room at the Colonel's house. He sat up from the floor and looked about his surroundings. His eyes settled on a very dead looking Roy. "Woops." He stood and placed two fingers on the neck of the dark haired man. He felt a faint pulse. "Alive, but just barely."

He clapped and set his hands on the floor next to the twined floor boards. He had no plans of waking him up just yet, but he did call the local hospital to notify them of his current condition.

"Hm… Now how should I do this?" He said to himself. "Steak knife? Jumping off a multistory building? A bridge maybe? Overdose? Ooo… Overdose sounds good." He turned and walked to his closet where he lifted open a secret hatch in the floor. He pulled out a briefcase stashed with pounds upon pounds of cocaine. "Perfect."

He thought for a moment and decided it would take too long to snort it, so he tore a bag open and started pouring it into his mouth. He began to feel dizzy, and his mouth was dry. It got all over the floor and his clothing. He poured in another, choking it down in with the knowing that soon, he'd be dead. He began to feel so out of it that he wasn't making it into his mouth anymore. Keep. Going. He poured in one last one until his heart pumped so fast, it couldn't handle its own rate and finally stopped.

A glow appeared overhead and a soft whisper was echoing in his ear. He could see his brother's smiling face, and he smiled too.

"Ed, You're home. You're finally home."

**Eesh, bad ending, I know. But it's all I could think of. And it was kind of slow going. Though, I enjoyed having Ed on crack. I might write a one-shot where he's a funny "drunk". I dunno, we'll see. Until next time, and please feel free to review. All flames shall be used to burn down your house. **


	3. Alternate Ending

**I actually did this because it was an assignment to come up with an alternate ending so… HERE IT IS! And if you like happy ending, this is the story for you ^^**

When Ed awoke again, he was in his bed. He sat up, wondering how he'd gotten there. He stretched out and pulled the warm blankets over his head to trap the heat. It was going to be cold out today, so he wanted to stay warm for as long as he could before Mustang came to wake him up. As he curled up in a ball, his long, flaxen hair settled around him almost comfortingly.

Just as he was falling asleep again, he heard a small knock at the door. "Edward?"

"Nn…?" he said groggily.

"Can I come in?" Roy turned the handle slowly and pushed the door open.

Ed muttered a frustrated, "Go way!" as he entered the room.

"You know you have to come with me." He sat on the edge of the bed. "You know I can't leave you here after what happened last time." He heard Edward huff as he rolled over and pulled the covers from his face.

He ran a hand though his hair to get it out of his way so that he could see. Ed sighed. "I know."

"Well then get up. Thursdays are my meeting days, and I have to get there early. Riza will be waiting. He stared at nothing in particular and smiled. Then it faded and his eyes locked back on Ed. He looked at his expectantly.

"Alright, alright." He said. He pulled the quilt off and stood, wearing only a pair of white and blue striped boxers. He grabbed a ribbon from his desk and positioned his hair in a ponytail. Then he began rifling through his drawers for something to wear. He paused, and only then did he realize he was being watched. "What?"

"You're not upset." Roy said.

"What?" His brow furrowed.

"Normally, you're upset in the mornings." He noted. "Did you have any nightmares last night?"

Now that he thought of it, he hadn't. It had been so long since he'd had a restful night of sleep. "I—I guess I didn't."

Roy smiled and nodded, "That's good to hear." He stood and rested a hand on Ed's shoulder before making his exit-in no real hurry, though.

When was the last time he hadn't had a nightmare, or several of them at once? Too long for him to remember.

He felt great, or at least, better than usual. He didn't feel the urge to cry, or the urge to escape it all. for once, he felt almost… happy. But that's wrong. He shouldn't be happy. He should be miserable. That's how Al feels, so why shouldn't he? They used to share everything, even what one felt. And he was pretty sure it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies where Al was.

When you die, you're sent to "Truth", or "The One". There was no heaven or hell in their world. They knew what it was like to die. Ed had been dead once, but Al had sacrificed himself so that Ed could live. And now Al was in the afterlife forever stuck in the world you go to.

Picture yourself in a white nothingness. Then a giant cement pair of doors appears with engravings and small pictures on it. Then, slowly, they open to reveal an eye the size of a bus surrounded by a cavernous black emptiness. Tiny black hands come out from the eye and reach out to grab you. If you try running away, they become faster and more agile. They never miss their prey. Then they pull you into the eye and you see everything. Everything there is to know about everything. And as you're floating among movie reels of the past, you begin to unravel and become a part of the past. No longer are you of the present, only a distant memory. There's nothing to be done, because now you have no body. There is just a soul. And you are to forever roam the white nothingness alone.

That's what death was. That was not heaven. If anything, it was hell. Humans seek companionship, and in there, there was none.

Maybe Al was still there. Maybe Ed could still save him from that horrible place. Ed had been there before, and he sure didn't want to imagine how Al was handling it.

* * *

"Al?" A voice called.

"Hm?" Al turned around. "Who's there?" Al wasn't used to company. He had only heard his own voice and those he created for the past two years.

The voice didn't answer. "Who's there?" He asked again. He stood abruptly and looked around. He could only see the white nothingness that ceased to change. He spun slowly, and his eyes settled on a small figure. He couldn't tell how far away it was, for there was nothing that could help judge the distance between them.

"Alphonse?" It called again.

"Yes, that's me. And who are you?" Al wanted a name. Anyone's name. He was sick of solitude. He was on the brink of madness. He was surprised he had gone this long without pulling his hair out.

"I go by many names." The figure came closer. Al could see that the figure was white with static defining its features. "But you may call me truth."

Al's eyes widened dramatically and his breath caught in his throat. "No," he barely said.

"Oh, so you remember me?" Truth stepped closer. I t was at arm's length now.

Al's features hardened. "Stay away from me." He said through clenched teeth.

"But I can't do that. I am all, yet I am one. I am everywhere, yet you see me here. I could not leave you alone, even if I wanted to, not really anyway. And I do not want to, for I have a proposition for you." Truth smirked and sat cross legged on the ground. "Won't you join me?"

"I'm not doing anything with you." Al crossed his arms in a huff.

"Hmm…" Truth smiled deviously. "Then I'll have to persuade you. Recognize this?" Truth waved its hand and a small boy no more than fourteen appeared.

It uncurled and Al immediately recognized it. He remembered seeing it on all the mirrors, puddles, and windows when he was alive. He reached out to touch the golden hair and the rounded face, but his hand fazed through. He pulled his arm back and looked at his translucent hand disappointedly. _But that's impossible. They buried me. How could Truth have it here?_

"I can make you real again, Alphonse." Truth said.

Al snapped back to reality ad turned to stare at Truth. "How'd you do it?"

"Hm?" Truth looked confused. Well, the only way someone could look confused without the presence of facial features aside from the mouth. Truth's eyes were everywhere, so it did not need them on its true form.

"How did you keep my body alive?" It was emaciated and its nails and hair were grossly overgrown, but it was alive. Al could hear its heartbeat. His heartbeat.

"Quite simple, actually. I just continually fed it the nutrients it needed and in sense, froze it in time," Truth explained.

Al couldn't even begin to grasp how Truth had done it. He didn't think much on it, though. Right now he was thinking about how he could get it back, and what Truth wanted for it. "How long would I be able to stay?"

"Until you die again, of course." Truth replied.

"And you know when that is, don't you?" Al asked. Truth merely smirked. "But you won't tell me." He grimaced.

"You know I can't do that." Truth was still on the ground.

Al sighed and joined him on the floor. "I know, I was just confirming it." Al paused. "So what do I have to do?"

* * *

Ed sat extremely bored atop the head of the couch. He sighed and leaned back to sit upside down on the cushions. He blew the hair out of his face and let his hands hang down to touch the ground. "Nyehh…" He made a sound as he exhaled.

"Hey, Edo!" Ed heard someone exclaim. He listened as the door closed and he turned his head to see Havoc enter the room.

Jean Havoc was on the tall side with dirty blond hair and five o'clock shadow dusting his rigid jawline. He was more muscular than the others and you never saw him without a cigarette in his mouth.

"How's it going, chief?" Havoc sat down next to Ed and watched to see if his expression would shift from boredom to agony, but no, it held as boredom.

"Actually, I'm not so bad today," Ed said quietly.

Jean's smile grew wider. He'd missed his friend. "I'm glad," he nodded curtly. "How about we ditch this joint and have us some lunch? What do you say?"

Ed agreed and they headed for the door only to be confronted by Mustang. "Where are you going?" Roy asked.

"Thought we'd go get some lunch. Wanna come?" Havoc inquired. "We're going to that new place down the street."

Roy looked to and from the both of them. "Nah, you go ahead. I got some paperwork that needs doing. Have fun, though." Roy smiled and skirted around them to set the pile of papers down on his desk. "Well, go on then." He shooed them out the door with a wave of his hand.

The two shrugged and set off to fill their tummies.

* * *

"Possessions mean nothing to me." Truth said. "So I'll be needing none of those from you."

"Then what do you want?" Al asked calmly.

"Another's life. Particularly your brother's." Truth leaned back on its arms and waited.

Al's body's fists clenched in reaction to Al's soul doing the same. "And do really think I would steal my brother's life away just I can have mine?" he practically screamed.

"It is a fair price, after all. A life for a life. Equivalent exchange." Truth smirked.

"I won't do it." Al said.

The white nothingness around him began to ripple and waver, as if he'd touched the calm surface of a pond. He gasped slightly at the realization that the scene that had begun appearing was taken from his home. It was of the front porch and he was swinging from the banister. Then he saw his brother open the front door tentatively before charging and snagging Alphonse into a bear hug. They laughed and tumbled to the ground.

Al was crying by the time the short film had stopped. He missed his brother so much, when his body died, his soul did, too.

"See what I can give you?" Truth asked as the picture faded into white. "See what you could have? You could be real again."

He wiped away his tears. "But Brother wouldn't be there with me to enjoy it. It would be horrible. It's horrible now. I couldn't let myself put him through this. My life doesn't mean as much to me as his does. Besides, he's getting better. I can feel it. His thoughts aren't so depressing and dark anymore," Al realized. "He's happy, I couldn't take that away."

With another wave of his hand, Al's body disappeared. Al made a choking sound as he saw it fade. "Well, then I guess you're stuck here. I'll see you later when you change your mind." And with that, Truth was gone.

"I won't change my mind!" Al yelled to nothing in particular. "I won't…" He trailed off.

* * *

Ed burped. "Aw, yeah. That was awesome."

"I knew you'd like it," Havoc said as he picked at his teeth with a tooth pick. "Italian is your favorite, right?"

"Don't you know it!" Ed said. They both laughed.

"What a beautiful sound." Jean admired.

"What's that?" Ed asked. He smiled as the waitress took the cash and was to return with the change. He turned back to Jean.

"Your laugh. It's been ages, hasn't it?" Jean leaned forward on his elbows.

Ed stared out the window. "I guess it has." Ed couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed. He couldn't remember a lot of happy things lately. He'd been so wrapped up in mourning and trying to cope, he hadn't really taken the time to remember there is goodness in the world. That there is happiness somewhere. Things were finally beginning to look up. He was finally moving on. This is good, he thought. Maybe I do deserve to be happy. Maybe life is worth living. He smiled at the thought, then looked down at his arm. The scabs were becoming pink scars. And maybe this time, he wouldn't have to add any new ones. Then his train of thought led to his addiction. But maybe he could let it die. Maybe he could brush it under the carpet and hope it never resurfaces. Maybe he didn't need it anymore.

Maybe.

And maybe not.

But for now, he didn't care. He grinned when the waitress came back with the change and walked out with Havoc in tow. He inhaled the fresh air and spun so that the setting sun could reflect of his ever-glistening hair. His eyes shown bright and, for once, it didn't feel like a rain cloud had clung onto him for dear life, refusing to let go and take its gloom with it. He felt… normal. He felt happy.

"Hey, Ed!" A man's voice echoed in the alley behind him. He turned to see his dealer, Ricky. "Hey, Ed. I got a sweet deal. Five ounces for the price of four. You in?"

Ricky was a short but stout fellow with an unkempt beard and thinning hair, which was salt and pepper in color. The shirts he wore were always out of style: old Hawaiian shirts, floral prints, and ratty T-shirts from amusement parks or restaurants. He was always wearing khaki shorts and sandals, too. He waddled when he walked and he had grease stains down the front of him.

Ed inhaled and let it out slowly. He closed his eyes a moment before replying. It was right there. He could accept the offer and lose himself to the world he had grown accustomed to after his brother's death. He could turn back on himself and the rest of the world and continue feeding his addiction. Or he could move on. "Not today, Ricky. I think I'm going to get clean."

"Aw, c'mon, Ed. You're my best customer. You quit on me, I'll go broke. Alright, I'll hook you up. Three ounces free. No charge. Zip, nada. What do you say?" Ricky nodded eagerly. He pulled out a small baggy and pushed it toward Edward.

Ed held out his hand slowly, but jerked it back. He thought he'd needed before. He thought he needed it to be happy. But he didn't. He realized that now.

Ed shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head. "I'm good. But thanks. I'll see you around." If you don't get caught by the cops first.

Ricky scoffed. "Yeah, whatever. I got plenty of customers begging for these deals. Who needs you?"

Ed brushed it off. He didn't care. He didn't need drugs to be happy anymore.

He moved on. He would never forget, but he moved on. Ed is happy. And Al is happy because Ed is happy. And every time Ed thinks he needs to escape it all, to just let go and turn back to the life he once lived, alone and depressed, Al is there pushing him forward, in heart and soul, edging him to shove past the hardships and just be happy. Al will always be there.

_I love you, Brother._ Ed hears every night. _And sweet dreams._

And you know what? He does. Ed has wonderful dreams of him and his brother together once again. And he knows one day, he will join him in the white nothingness, so they may paint it a bright blue and a golden yellow. No more an empty white, but a colorful wonderland of freedom and rejoicing. One day, they shall forget the hardships and relive the happier times. One day, they shall laugh until they cry. One day, they shall feel the love they once felt so long ago. One day, they shall be together. One day.


End file.
